A Love Letter

Recently, I had the pleasure of attending a Society for Girls function which was their 2017 Girls Inspire Summit, held on October 21st at the RISE Demonstration Center in southeast Washington, D.C.  Initially I thought it would be a drop and roll kind of event, where I could drop off my crew of Little Phoenixes and then roll out.  Of course, I didn’t plan to go far but I did intend on running a few errands while they were inspired onto greatness.   Unfortunately, my track record of picking events for my daughter to attend, or better yet, to drop her off and roll out, hasn’t gained her unwavering trust.  The last event I dropped her and a friend of hers off at and rolled out wasn’t as enjoyable as the flyers gave the impression it would be.  She constantly reminds me of my failed attempt to broaden her opportunities for social engagement.  So this time, I decided to hang with them for the first few minutes. 

The program included a warm-up activity where the girls were asked a series of self-perception questions.  They were required to walk around the room and stand under the titles posted around the room that best represented how they see themselves.  I decided to join them.  

• What do you wish others would first recognize about you?
• What are you most proud of yourself for?
• What would you like to change about yourself?

Personality.  Personality.  Style.

In that exercise, I noticed the one thing I’ve tried for many years to hide, change, or ignore was actually an area where I have the most confidence, an area that makes me stand out, and is something I wouldn’t want to change - my personality.  As for style being something I’d like to change, my 11 year-old told me to stand there.  I remained for the rest of the event.  I didn’t stay in the room with them the entire time but the girls knew I was nearby.  When our children know we’re nearby, they can rest in the assurance that they are not alone.  When we’re nearby, they know if they call we’ll come.  When we’re nearby, they can take steps of independence without fear of abandonment.  I think that’s why I struggled for so many years in this area.  I was uncertain.  I felt I didn’t have someone nearby.  Then I learned about Jesus.  I learned I am never alone.  I learned I am never forgotten. 

Next on the program was the exercise of writing a letter to themselves, titled “Dear Future Me,” that they would open many years from today.  I began to wonder what my 11 year-old would say to herself as an adult.  What is it about her life that she wanted to hold onto and never forget and vice versa, what is it about her life that she wishes never happened.  As a parent, you long for more of the ‘never forget’ and less of the ‘wishes never happened’ but the reality is that we will never be able to give our kids only what they want.  Our role is to protect, guide, nurture, and provide for them, and sometimes they don’t understand the tough decisions we have to make between what they want and what they need. 

As the girls wrote to themselves, I wondered what I would say, not to my older self but rather to my younger self.  What did I wish I could have told myself when I was the age my daughter is now or perhaps a few years older?  I chose the age of 15 and here’s what I came up with:

Dear 15 year-old Me,

Wow, where do I even begin?  You’ve gone through so much in the last two years.  This year you experienced something that many women long for and you made one of the hardest decisions you’ll ever face regarding a life inside you.  There will be times, as there have already been, when you’ll think there’s no reason to go on.  You’ll think it can’t possibly get any worse and then you’ll find that it does. 

But as I write this letter to you, I can’t help but to smile because of the knowledge that you’ll get through all of it.  You will come out better.  You will come out knowing the strength you possess.  You will come out and then guess what, you’ll reach back to bring out others just like you.  Oh, how I wish I could just wrap my arms around you.  How I wish I could go back in a mystical time machine and tell you that regardless of what everyone seems to believe, the end of 1999 will not bring the end of the world, computers will not crash on January 1, 2000 at the stroke of 12:00am, and sucking your thumb until age 15 will not ruin your teeth.

Seriously though, my dear beautiful, strong, creative, loving and lovable me, I want you to know you are awesome just the way you are.  You may have to do things you won’t like, go places you don’t want to go and be around people you don’t want to be around, but you will never be alone.  You’ll come to know Jesus for real, for real and you’ll understand what I mean by that. You’ll see the importance of holding on to your compassion, your hope, your faith and your ability to laugh.  You will find that there are others like you who like what you like, and like doing what you like to do.  Oh….and guess what else!!! You are going to become A BIKER CHIC!!! And a cute, leather-wearing, high handle holding one at that!!!  

One day, it will seem as if you have to decide if you want to be successful or be happy, but I want you to know that you can be both as long as you do what brings you joy.  I am not going to tell you what your passion is or will be, that you’ll find out along the way.  I will tell you however, that your life will be filled with many wonderfully amazing people; you will know true love.  God will present you with three extensions of love, and they will make your life into one even more marvelous than you can imagine, each in their own individual way. 

Don’t be sad if others appear to be doing better than you.  Don’t feel like you failed if you’re not where others say you should be.  Not all your choices will be God-inspired but don’t beat yourself up about it.  Repent, rebound and rejoice.  You are a giver by nature and that is wonderful.  You are a lover by creation and that too is wonderful.  I don’t want you to ever change or stop being a giver, or a giver of love but I want you to be sure to start with you.  Give love to yourself.  Accept you.  Embrace you.  Celebrate you.  Grow you.  Be you…the “you” that God created you to be.     

So, here’s my advice, get a mentor (one who is where you want to be), take the scholarship, travel the world, love hard, and give from your heart.  Enjoy life, laugh out loud, be silly, and live on purpose.   Remember to dream, have courage to believe, and then expect to rise.  And as for witness protection, if it’s not the program Jesus offers, then don’t go.

I love you young lady, now and forever.

Sharonda (Watts, Andrews, Dalton, Nevins, Anderson) Jones ...don't ask. :-)